An Average Bloke with Aspergers

Aspergers Syndrome

An Average Bloke with Aspergers

As I am sure you all know I have Aspergers Syndrome (AS) -  or as my future father-in-law calls it: Rude Bastard Syndrome. It was recently pointed out by a not-so-tactful friend,  that I don’t really talk about it much, or how it affects me and he was quite right, I don’t very often. I find that Aspergers Syndrome  is quite a difficult subject to write or talk about, not because I am embarrassed, it is just rather difficult condition to explain. It is a bit like a cyclist trying to explain why he shaves his legs – it is a bit strange, a bit technical and a bit personal; and others tend to be afraid to ask about it.

Aspergers Syndrome is a developmental disorder, whereby parts of the brain simply don’t work correctly. It is one of several Autistic Spectrum Disorders. Aspergers Syndrome causes the parts of the brain that process sensory input, emotions and memory to work a little differently. People who are born with AS are all affected in slightly different ways, but I would say that I am a fairly typical example of someone with AS, although it is difficult to be sure. Aspergers is thought to be  caused by a combination of genetics and environmental factors and is  increasingly common.

Albert Einstien probably had Aspergers SyndromeAspergers affects around 1 person in every 100 or so. Albert Einstein (Inventor of Space/Time) & Sir Issac Newton (Inventor of the Cat Flap) had Aspergers, but then so does Bill Gates (Inventor of, well nothing actually). It is suspected that Adolf Hitler (Short man with an Aryan fetish, unfortunate facial hair and questionable politics and dress sense) did too!

In practical terms, the traits Aspergers Syndrome cause create certain challenges, especially socially and emotionally. Of course I don’t think of them as challenges or problems, these are technical terms that Doctors and Therapists use. I just see the world quite differently than most people. My world is full of patterns and it is mostly very pretty, although often very lonely.

I do have problems though. I am really quite useless when it comes to social queues. I cannot easily read the expression on your face or your tone of voice.  It seems to me that people tend to speak two languages, Body and English, and I am not bilingual.

I am not very good with emotions. I can’t usually tell what people are feeling, unless they happen to be crying or laughing, and even then, it isn’t always obvious unless they tell me. Obviously I understand what fear, anger, love and happiness are; but the subtle shades in between are a complete mystery.

I don’t really understand why people behave in certain ways, especially when it comes to pettiness, jealousy and cruelty. These concepts don’t really have  any significant meaning to me. I don’t have the social imagination to really understand why people would feel or behave that way and experiencing those kinds of emotions is very confusing. To me they are just words and awkward feelings that don’t really mean anything. I do sometimes get very angry and frustrated for very silly reasons and I used to have quite a short fuse when I was younger, but with age I can control it better. Sometimes I don’t get angry at all when I really should and often feel indifferent about things that perhaps I should care more about. I am not very emotional in general, but on the rare occasions I am emotional, I tend to be a little too emotive, as I don’t have the inbuilt psychological software to deal with that kind of thing.

Despite rumours to the contrary, people with Aspergers do have a sense of humour. I have a pretty good one I think – enough not to take myself too seriously anyway, what else can you ask for? The great Winston Churchill once said, “A joke is a very serious thing”. I agree.

Socially I tend to be better when I am doing things on my own terms, and I like to know what I am doing a few days in advance. When I meet new people,  I am definitely not a first impressions kind of guy, unless I am having a very good day.

I am really rather clever. That is a rather bold statement I know and I don’t want this to sound like I’m blowing smoke up my own bottom, but I do have a very high IQ. Unfortunately, a high IQ does not in any way compensate for a low EQ (Empathy Quotient). I have to work very hard not to bore people, or even worse – correct them, which is something I learned at a very early age that most people do not appreciate.

Another common symptom of Aspergers Syndrome is insomnia. I go through long bouts of it, often because I have something on my mind and my brain will not shut down. I have seen more than my fair share of sunrises.  This does mean I have a lot of time on my hands, which is one of the reasons this site is here. It is 4.48am when I am writing this (hope you are all sleeping well). :)

There are certain things I do that I like to do my way; I am not going to bore you with details, but there are certain day to day things that I like to do in a specific order (not the most logical order by any means), and I get a bit grumpy if I can’t do them my way. Thankfully unlike some people with Aspergers, I am not obsessive about routine, I can deal with change, I just don’t like it much. I don’t like surprises much either (well if you want to surprise me with a laptop or something I’d quite that). Just don’t throw me a surprise party. I don’t like other peoples parties very much let alone my own!

Another common trait of Aspergers is a form of sensory overload that can affect all five senses. It is called Sensory Integration Dysfunction. For example I am not a big fan of crowds, they sometimes overwhelm me. I am not scrared of crowds, it is just that I can’t process what is going on.  I can hear well though, you can probably hear 12hz to 20,000hz, I can hear 5hz to 24,000, but personally I lack the ability to filter your voice out from all the white  noise around you if you are in a crowd.

Again because of this sensory overload I don’t like hot baths or showers, I find them excruciatingly painful. I despise being tickled. I dislike swimming pools because they are painfully cold and certain textured foods make me nauseous.

My memory is very good. I remember almost everything I am exposed to, including books and movies, but I am incredibly absent minded. I am often asked to remember to do this or that, and five minutes later, it is completely gone.  I forget I have put things in the oven. I often forget that I was meant to go to the doctors, or to do some shopping or make a phone call, or where I left that screwdriver. I often burn food because I start watching TV or something and I forget until I see smoke.

I don’t care for the telephone very much. I find it very difficult to talk on the phone, because I have no social queses to go off whatsoever, so I often can’t think of anything to say  or worse I ramble about things and repeat myself. I dislike awkward silences too because I don’t know what to do with them and tend to assume they are my fault.

Speaking of things I don’t like, there is a long list of them. People usually have a reason for not liking certain things, as do I in some cases, but there are certain things I don’t like and there is no logical reason at all; Doctors, Muesli, Polo Mints, Custard, Chalk, Sodium Hydroxide, Water Polo, Fruit Salad, Slugs, watching Cricket and Gillian McKeith are among the list. I am not phobic about any of these things, I just have an intense dislike of them.

I get very engrossed in things and often get so absorbed in them that I ignore the things going on around me completely and I loose track of time. I have been known to play video games for 24 hrs straight or to sit down and read a book cover to cover for example. For the sake of family unity I try to limit these sessions as much as possible, but it can be tricky, especially as I can get quite grumpy when I am interrupted.

I also get bored very easily, and when I get bored I switch off completely and just go into autopilot and retreat into my own little world which is a complex and very visual place and is something as real to me as the real world around me. My world imposes itself on the real world too, a bit like augmented reality I suppose. When that happens it can be very distracting because real world patterns jump out at me.

Many people with Aspergers will take things you say to them very literally, I am not quite like that. I don’t take things completely literally, but if you tell me you are going to do something I will naturally assume you are telling me the truth. I do tend to get very confused when people say they are going to do one thing, then do something else. Lies confuse me too. I find life to be complicated enough, why make up more of it? Having said that, I do occasionally lie myself, especially when it makes life easier – yes I am a hypocrite :)

I have mild anxiety most of the time, but I don’t see it as a big deal. Anxiety is a neutral state for me, so I don’t really register it as an emotion, it is just what I feel when I am awake. Underlying and persistent anxiety is probably why I have a bad stomach (again something that is not unusual with Autistic Spectrum Disorders), which has resulted in a hiatus hernia which is rather painful.

The other Aspergers traits I have are also very common. I have very poor handwriting, even though I could read and write at a very early age for example.  I also like numbers and patterns, I like repetitive tasks and I count a lot; I find all those things very relaxing. I like to understand how things work, everything from telephones  to  the unviverse.

Most people who have Aspergers Syndrome become increasing adept at hiding it as they get older, but that is all they can do, learn to hide the symptoms. There are no miracle cures or therapies that can change the underlying condition. Like all Autistic Spectrum Disorders, Aspergers Syndrome is what it is. It has its negatives, but it has a lot of  positives too.

So that is me and my post on how Aspergers Syndrome affect me. I hope you found it informative and weren’t too bored. I have put some links below for further reading if you are so inclined, they are very informative and give a good overview of AS. If you have any questions on the subject, please feel free to ask away and I’ll do my best to answer them.

Remember, I didn’t get where I am today without being a little bit Autistic, and there are worse things to be :)

Zen Emu

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P.S. This video about Aspergers Syndrome may be helpful to some of you:

Further Information:

U.K. A.S.D & Aspergers Forum.

What are autism and Aspergers Syndrome?

Aspergers Foundation F.A.Q.

Autism and Asperger’s syndrome: information for parents, carers and anyone who works with young people.

Aspergers: Some of the more common symptoms.

Aspergers: The positive traits.

Avatar

Avatar

So last week we bought some comedy glasses and went to see Avatar in 3d and it was good.

To be fair there isn’t much of a story line, but the most has been made of what there is. The CGI was a little glitchy in places too, and the 3d rendering was a little flaky as well. I did enjoy it though as did Avaloncariad, although we both looked a little like Roy Orbison.

My main criticism though, is how bloody expensive it is to go to the cinema these days! Nearly a thirty quid for two tickets, two lots of popcorn and some comedy specs!

In my day you used to sneak in though the fire door with your own food, but then my brother got a job in demolition and knocked down my local cinema, along with all those magical childhood memories – he is a git, but that is another post entirely.

Here’s the thing with James Cameron, despite being a genius, the man is an idiot. Look at his filmography:

He started with Piranha 2: The Spawning, which would be the worst movie ever made, only nobody apart from me has ever seen it.

He made Terminator, a fantastic film.

He made Rambo 2, not a good film but forgivable – people have done worse things for money.

Then he gives us Aliens, The Abyss and Terminator 2 – some of the best sci-fi films made.

Then, and I can only assume it was due to some sort of blow to the head, he decides Schwarzenegger would be a good comedy actor and makes True Lies.

Titianic better ending

As for Titanic, where is the actual story? As far as I can see it is less about a boat sinking and more about a selfish bitch who fancies a bit of rough, and then lets the poor sod she supposedly loves freeze to death in the sea while she is all comfy and safe floating on a door and then chooses to repay his sacrifice by not acknowledging he existed for the next 70 years or so. If that isn’t depressing enough, Jimmy also chooses to inflict Celine Dion on us. Personally I think he should be fined every time THAT song gets air time.

 

Anyway, back on to the subject at hand. Having watched the Avatar I don’t really understand what  message Cameron is trying to get across this time. It’s almost like Bono and Sting helped to co-write it.

All I know is if you go to Pandora, don’t expect to be able to park or go shopping, because the locals are sexy blue tree hugging giant neo luddites with bad temper and suspicious and borderline immoral animal training practices.

Personally I don’t see the attraction of living in an environment where everything is trying to eat you all the time, but hey, I am an imbecile. As for the mineral “Unobtainium”, sorry Jimmy, you deserve a clip around the ear for that one son.

“If you have to go 4 1/2 light years to another, made-up planet to appreciate this miracle of the world that we have right here, well, you know what, that’s the wonder of cinema right there, that’s the magic.” – Yeah, to be honest I am still none the wiser.

Another thing I can’t help wondering about, is this whole 3d thing when it comes to DVD and Bluray. As I understand it, 3d ready TVs are ridiculously expensive, and don’t work very well, so having seen it in 3d, will anyone want it in 2d? I think Jimmy may well have shot himself in the foot there when it comes to DVD sales. Of course I am always wrong about these things, so it will probably break all records for DVD sales.

Still I daresay there will be at least two Avatar sequels, probably an Avatar: the  TV series at some point too. I can’t help feeling that these will be all very cute though, a bit like a Care Bears movie in 3d for teenagers and preachy environmentalists. If you haven’t seen it yet, go and have a look it is good, unless you happen to be a Jeremy Clarkson disciple, in which case don’t you will burst into flames.

If anyone can actually elaborate on what this film is actually about, please feel free to share.

Remember, suburbia is where bulldozers knock down tree’s so that developers can name streets after them.

Zen Emu

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win7 tablet

Gizmondo

I am a bit of a nerd, a lazy one at that. I can’t be bothered to hide the fact. I love techie things, always have always will. Sadly I am getting old. Recently for example, I was completely defeated by the analogue timer I bought to control the lights on my tropical fish tank. I have a DVD recorder under the TV, which has never been used, and it is now unplugged, mainly because the timer on that defeated me too and the flashing display on the front of it was mocking me. Happily I have Sky HD, which has a built in hard drive for recording things I want to watch and I sometimes remember to tell it to record things I like too.

Being a lazy geek or nerd is a little counter intuitive. To be a good geek you do need to keep up with the latest technology and more importantly you need to know which bits of tech you  can reasonably disapprove of. Thankfully, one of my favourite websites is dedicated to helping me with this chore. Have a look at Gizmondo, which is a fantastic Tech Blog.  Not only does it review new Tech, but it is also full of techie gossip too. Gizmondo is like that friend that most people have, who feels that he/she needs help with the weighty responsibility of keeping your secrets, so they share the burden  with everyone they know.

Gizmondo is full of fantastic opinions, facts, rumours and strange imaginings. Such and such is releasing a new gadget? Well this is what we thing it will look like, and if it doesn’t they are small minded minions of orthodoxy. I like that kind of thinking, it is imaginative and uncompromising.

Let me give you a couple of examples. Barry Altman, who is the CEO of Commodore USA (yes it still exists!) announced recently that he would like to do something with the Commodore 64 brand as a tribute. Gizmondo got excited and had THIS to say.

Or how about this; LG Samsung and Asus are all looking at building Windows 7 mobile phones. Stuff mobile phones say Gizmondo, build this Windows 7 tablet in response to the ipad, look we have designed it for you and everything. All you have to do is make it work!

There are quite a few staff over at Gizmondo, to many to list, and I don’t really know or care how the website came about. All I know is it saves me having to come up with an opinion about new tech. Opinions often get challenged, and that means coming up with a cogent argument, which in turn requires research, and frankly I just can’t be bothered with all that.

So if like me, you just can’t be bothered to waste time, and money you don’t have coming up with an opinion, just go to Gizmondo and let someone else come up with an opinion for you, it is usually the right one.

Apologies for the fact that the above post is boring and the first one in days. I have done nearly 50 hours “Work” in just under four days. Unfortunately I can’t go into what my day job is exactly on here, but it was all very stressful, a little sad, very draining, but probably worked out as it should. Sorry rambling.

Remember, there is no such thing as Anti-Social behaviour, some people just aren’t user friendly.

Zen Emu

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painted

Such is life

It has occurred to me recently that the world is becoming an increasingly surreal place. For example, we live in a world where things like THIS are allowed to happen. Maybe I am wrong. It could well be that bioluminescent hamster powered lamps may be the way forward. Perhaps taking small pets and turning them into alternative energy sources is the way to go. It would certainly cut down on carbon emissions. Personally I don’t feel that I want to encourage that kind of thing though. It’s just not cricket.

We also live in a world, where people are allowed to do things like this to their cats. I really don’t approve of things like that either, and I am not sure that cat does if you look at it. I am sure it would rather be toying with something small and furry rather than enforcing truth, justice and the American way.

I own a few animals. I quite like them and I have never felt the need to humiliate them or paint them in any way. Nor do I feel the need to make them fight crime. Perhaps I am in a minority though, or perhaps I am just too British. I don’t know.Perhaps the future is going to be full of genetically engineered bioluminescent crime fighting super pets.

We are already using animals to grow spare bits for us. We use cow poo to create methane which we burn. I suppose it is only a matter of time before we look at nature as another technology to be menipulated. Why have parasites that cause harm when you can scamble some DNA and make parasites that eat cancer or ginger hair?

I’m not entrirly sure I agree with genetically engineering people either. I am all for detecting and fixing genetic illness if at all possible, after all why would you want your child to grow up with a disability if it could be avoided? As someone with Aspergers syndrome, I would have preferred to have a brain that was wired a little more normally for example. There is of course the argument that such conditions are a form of evolution. I mean I may be a social and emotional moron, but I am pretty good at math and science, and I have ridiculous recall. None of that helps on a day to day basis though. I also have congenital Anosmia (I was born without a sense of smell – I have heard all the jokes before, so please don’t bother). I can’t imagine that has a particular evolutionary advantage.

Perhaps science could look at the “Traffic Warden” gene. I for one feel  it would be beneficial to remove the genetic predisposition to be a “Smug little jobsworth” from the small percentage of the population that suffers from it. Those people who know that they are about to ruin your day and take a great deal of satisfaction from it.

Mary had a little lamb, It’s fleece glowed night and day, It didn’t have a father, just some Fire Fly DNA.

Remember, if someone approches you and says they want to unzip your genes, run, for gods sake run!

OK, I am going to climb back under my rock now.

ZenEmu

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A bit of the old Irish luck

A Little Perspective

According to a very clever chap called Frank Drake,  their is approximately one intelligent civilization in every 1000 cubic light years of space. That means that there are only approximately 50 civilizations in our galaxy. That is 50 planets supporting intelligent life in a galaxy with over 100,000,000,000 stars. No wonder we never meet the neighbours.

If you look at life from a more biological point of view, going back let’s say 10 generations, so approximately 250 years, and you take into account that you are the result of a specific egg/sperm combination, suddenly the odds of you being born at all are approximately 1 in 60000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000 000000000000000000000000000000000000 or 6 x 10100

Obviously the further back you go the higher that number. Calculating the probability of you being born going all the way back to the monkeys and small rodents from which you descended are well out of my league. We could go further back still to the single cell organisms from which all life on earth descends, but I daresay the Internet would fall on its bottom if we tried to write than number.

Lets look at you from a more day to day standpoint shall we?  Presumably you got out of bed this morning, or if not you will get up at some point in the next day or two. That being the case, you are somewhat better off than the  142, 875 people who on average didn’t survive yesterday.

Hopefully as you are reading this, you are in pretty good health. That makes you much better off than the 10,000 or so people who are unlucky enough to be diagnosed as terminally ill everyday. It is also my sincerest hope that you are not one of the 500,000,000 unlucky souls who are in an active war zone today. If you are one of those people, good luck, and keep your head down.

If you have somewhere to sleep tonight, warm clothes and something to eat, then you are infinitely better off than around 75% of the worlds population. As you can read this post, I’m guessing you are a member of the one third of the earths population to be lucky enough to have been taught to read, because two thirds haven’t had that opportunity. You are also one of the 5%  of the population with Internet access. Good isn’t it?

If you have a bank account, and any money in it at all, and I am talking pennies here, that puts you in the top 8% of the worlds richest people.

Why am I telling you all this, you may be asking?

Well about 30 minutes ago, I stubbed my toe, which caused me to hop around swearing. The hopping around and swearing resulted in me pulling my back slightly again, which has made the headache I have had for almost a week slightly worse. So after a few minutes of sitting here feeling incredibly sorry for myself and convincing myself  that I am the unluckiest person in existence, I decided to analyze the argument. It turns out that I am not the unluckiest man in the world, and that the great Douglas Addams was right when he said “In an infinite universe anything is possible, even survival, as unlikely as that seems”.

Anyway, I am off to find painkillers, strong ones.

Happy Wednesday.

ZenEmu

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Press play on tape

Press Play on Tape

OK, I just found the new “My favourite thing on line”, which is a new band called Press Play On Tape – The Commodore 64 Revival Band!

PRESS PLAY ON TAPE is a band from Copenhagen,that (almost) exclusively play tunes from the very best 1980′s home computer, the Commodore 64. Holy cow! Some of these songs are timeless! Forget for a minute that they were written for an 8 bit home computer by a spotty twenty something year old in his bedroom in his parents house between visits to the job centre. These were some pretty immense tunes!

These guys have written some very clever lyrics too. I am very impressed!

Have a look at their website and get your wallet out – CD’s on sale ect!

http://www.pressplayontape.com/

Speaking of their website, have a loot at their about us page, tis a classic tribute to the infamous magazine, ZZAP 64!

Good grief I’m a geek!

ZenEmu

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Red Vs Blue

Red Vs Blue

Red Vs Blue

Red Vs Blue is a slightly wierd but very funny webtoon, which is based largely on the Microsoft game: Halo:Combat Evolved and various sequels on the xbox.  There is no point in doing a full review on it or anything, the series speaks for itself, and you will soon get hooked.  The premise is simple, it’s a more personal look at the war between Red Team, and those Damn Blue scumbags, and all that this terrible conflict entails. One crucial fact that escapes both teams is that their isn’t actually a war and that they have both been placed there by the same command. Yes that’s right, they are both on the same side, it’s just nobody told them that. Happily, being almost sane, neither side in in a particular hurry to attack the other.

The series has won lots of awards, and those strange critic types seem to like it too.  I love things like this. It really is a very clever and funny idea. The series was created by a team at Rooster Teeth Productions and inspired by the voice over work of Burnie Burns.

Red vs Blue is quite old now really I suppose. It started in 2003 and finished in 2007, and has over 100 episodes and a collection has even been released on DVD.

I posted the first episode above, the series evolves very quickly and becomes funnier and funnier as it progresses. It is top-notch entertainment in my opinion.

To see the full archive or to buy lost of Red Vs Blue Merchandise, including the DVD’s not to mention T-Shirts, Coffee cups and other cheesy crap, have a look at the official website:

http://redvsblue.com

Remember folks, The tragedy of modern war is that the young people die fighting each other – instead of their real enemies back home in their Capital cities.

Zen Emu X

Dirty Split Screenshot

Dirty Split

Dirty Split ScreenshotI’ve always been a fan of adventure games, and I’ve completed more than my fair share over the past 25 or so years. SO it is with some experience that I can recommend Dirty Split is a fantastic little example of the genre. Released way back in 2008, I only recently came across it.

The game is set in the 1960′s and you play gumshoe Alan Baxter. You have been hired by illustrious Beverly Hills Socialite, Mrs Vanderbuilt, to investigate the murder of her daughters fiancee.

The game has fantastic stylised visuals, typical of a 1960′s cartoon, and all the characters have associated voice actors, and they are all very well done. Every scene has its own background music, which is quite jazzy and really sixties. I really liked it. There are some very nice visual special effects too, which I won’t ruin for you. To give you some idea of the fantastic quality of this game I have included a video (above) of the intro sequence.

Dirty Split Screenshot 2The main character, Alan Baxter has a very dry sense of humour which appealed to me. The whole thing will only take about four hours to finish, but I promise, it is a lot of fun.

The control system is a point and click affair which is a very easy affair. Right click gives you the actions, and left click applies that action to the environment. It’s a tried and tests system that has been used before and you won’t find yourself aimlessly dragging your cursor around the screen finding something to click on.

The puzzles in the game aren’t exactly rocket surgery. They are just enough to give pause for thought, which is fine, it just helps the game move on at a steady pace.

Dirty split has a good atmosphere and will keep you genuinely interested. It is just a shame it is over so quickly. A couple more hours game-play would have made it perfect.

If you know somebody that has never played an adventure game before, I honestly can’t think of a better introduction to the genre.

I can tell you it runs fine on Windows XP and Windows 7. I’m not sure of the exact recommended system specs, but I can’t imagine they are particularly high.

For some of you, the most interesting aspect of this game will be that it is free! Yep, doesn’t cost a bean. There is nothing about this game that would make you think it was freeware. It really is a very good quality product.

You can download it form here:

http://www.dreamagination.org/wordpress/en/dirtysplit/downloads/

It is around 188 meg, so may take a while on a slower broadband connection, but stick with it, you won’t regret it.

Remember, when you are tailing someone, a Private Detective Onboard bumper sticker may be a dead giveaway.

ZenEmu

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wizard2

Website Design: Search Engine Optimization Scumbag

I recently came across a chap who claimed to be a Search Engine Optimization Professional. This chap charges people a small fortune to “Optimize” their websites. He claims to be able to get you a top 10 place guaranteed on any search engine for any given keyword.

In the same vein, I am a professional eye brow wearer. I have had two eye brows all my life and I have worn the hell out of them. Thanks to a little “Professional” eye brow grooming, you would never know that naturally they meet in the middle like two love sick caterpillars. I charge people to…, OK er yeah.

Listen, Search Engine Optimization isn’t voodoo or magic. Just don’t follow my example on here. Keep content relevant, link to other sites that have something to do with the subject of your site and carefully use the “<h3>” tag and the title tag, and you won’t go far wrong. Try to mention variations of the topics your page is about within the text. Most of all, be patient. Not rocket surgery is it?

This guy is in a career, because people are gullible. Look, nobody is going to get you that number one spot, because nobody knows exactly how google works. Google hire sorcerers and priests, who chant mysterious spells over Googles many many servers. Because of this, even the people who work at google don’t really know how Googles search algorithms work. It is more mysterious than Coca-Cola’s secret ingredient. Other search engines use similar unearthly practices. It is nothing short of a miracle that google usually brings back pages that have something roughly to do with what you asked for.

The chap in question also uses Automatic Submission tools. These are programs that submit your website automatically to every search engine you have ever heard of and several hundred you haven’t. The problem is, this kind of behaviour angers the sorcerers at google and other major search companies, and they will punish you cruelly for trying to cheat. Not only will they ban your website, but they will curse your loved ones. These people are proper hogwarts graduates, don’t ya know.

Your website will get to where it is meant to be in it’s own good time. Don’t push it, don’t rush it just relax and make sure you follow my advice, and it will work out for you.

Don’t be a stereo-typical gullible idiot. Keep your credit card in your dusty moth eaten wallet/purse, where it belongs. Leave Karma to deal with these complete scumbags and ignore emails that promise you the world, and as a rule don’t trust people called Nigel, Gordon or Alistair; and never ever trust anyone who says they can make you more popular online without you having to take your clothes off.

Lecture over.

ZenEmu

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Caitlin Hill

Caitlin Hill – TheHill88

OK, so I have mentioned Katers17 and Natalie Tran before, who are both amazingly talented stars on YouTube. It was pointed out recently, that I have neglected another member of YouTube Royalty: Caitlin Hill.

Caitlin Hill

Catlin is an Australian, who for reasons best known to herself is currently living in New York. She has been posting YouTube video’s for a little over four years. Her video’s have had tens of millions of views, and she is slowly but surely making the move to mainstream cinema, having appeared in a few independent films. Caitlin is considered a leading authority on video blogging and has been one of the true pioneers of the media.

Caitlin, like most Australians also claims to like Vegemite, which is obviously impossible. If you have ever tasted Vegemite yourself, you will know that it tastes like something that Satan trod in then wiped off his shoe.

Caitlin is also the Chief Creative Officer at hitviews.com, which is a company designed to promote online talent.

Anyway, here is Caitlin’s take on the Apple Ipad, Enjoy!

If  that hasn’t grossed you out completely,  and you wish to follow Caitlin on Youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/user/TheHill88

Her official fansite is here:

http://www.thehill88.com/

Her own Blog is Here:

http://thatgirlonline.blogspot.com/

And you can follow her on Twitter is you wish too:

http://twitter.com/thatgirlonline

She also has a fan group on Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Caitlin-Hill/61528328926

And lastly a MySpace Page:

http://www.myspace.com/thecaitlinhill

Phew! That is a long and somewhat creepy list  with a stalker kind of vibe. Anywho…

Have fun, and remember, if you play Jaws backwards, it is a sad tale of a shark with an eating disorder and set around a fairly average looking beach, full of  kids with very freaky hair do’s.

ZenEmu

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